You know this evening while I sat here waiting on the Over night success download, (it still didn't work) I actually got hungry. Some of you know that we had cornbread for supper. I thought I would try and eat something my daddy used to eat a long time ago, cornbread IN milk. I remembered my daddy loving it so much and I always thought it was just so gross. But tonight I tried it.....THERE WAS NO TASTE TO IT WHATSOEVER!!! It wasn't disgusting, it wasn't bland, but it wasn't the best thing I had ever tasted either.
I was almost disappointed, but then I look back at how big of a man my daddy was(he wasn't huge) and I think, he did what most of us used to do, he didn't want that cornbread to go to waste. My aunts are 2 very large women, my older aunt had the gastric bypass surgery. Yes, she's lost a HUGE amount of weight, but she's still very unhappy. My other aunt choses to stay big, very big. We are talking that, I'm guessing, a 5x or a 6x is tight on her. I never in my life ever want to be that size. They are miserable, the one with the surgery is always in a depressed mode and the other is always biting your head off. I don't want to be a hateful, depressed large person.
I DO want to be happy at where I'm at. As I put on my pajamas yesterday evening, I thought, man, your looking good. And ALMOST started to say, you could use a little more off here, or there, but I didn't I said no, you look good and that gave me such great hope. It felt good to compliment myself, it felt good to put something in my mouth tonight and say nope, this isn't what I wanted and threw it away. I didn't eat just because I had made it, that's a huge step for me. I'm one that dangit if I make it, I'm gonna enjoy it.....or so I used to be.
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2 comments:
You said:
"it felt good to put something in my mouth tonight and say nope, this isn't what I wanted and threw it away. I didn't eat just because I had made it, that's a huge step for me. I'm one that dangit if I make it, I'm gonna enjoy it.....or so I used to be."
That's a great attitude. Congratulations, and thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I really loved this post! It's wonderful to hear about you moving to a place where you are taking into consideration what works best for you in your life. You no longer are making choices based on knee-jerk reactions. You are more deeply connected with your body and making decisions based on what resonates with you. I also love to hear about your growing self-love and acceptance. That is a beautiful thing. Keep it up! You are woking this path beautifully!
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